We’re told to eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly and sleep 8ish hours a night. Most of us get this intellectually, but struggle to maintain it practically. When things are going well, self-care can feel easeful, desirable, maybe even automatic. But then the universe inevitably KICKS US IN THE DICK with health scares, hectic work or life challenges and our self-care plummets.
It’s far more effective to create habits and systems of accountability when we’re feeling strong and capable (eye rolls aside), instead of reacting to stress and overwhelm. I’ve been learning and re-learning this a lot lately.
One of my biggest lessons was when my self-care shat the bed in 2021. I recklessly dived into the mental health industry and had no work-personal boundaries. I travelled for work, brought the heaviness of it home and neglected my partner’s needs. I struggled to function for months and almost entirely dropped socialising, exercising and my hobbies.
During a workshop, I felt emotionally numb to heavy disclosures as I experienced this murky sort of vulnerability hangover. Considering the responsibility I held, this was not okay. Heart-to-hearts with my partner helped me recognise my self-care had bottomed out and I needed to bounce back up.
They say we must be selfish to be selfless. I say to be truly selfless, we need to be SELF-MORE. Carrying learnings from my past and taking inspiration from those I trust, I set myself up for success and get long-term gains through short-term pains and sweating the not-so-small stuff. Hard decisions now, easy life later.
I don’t always do these things, nor do I do them perfectly, BUT I do most of them, mostly well, most of the time. Consistency compounds and gives me results.
My meagre following does not warrant any sort of kickbacks, so please know this is pure list of things I use, do and love. A gift is not a gift until it’s given, so allow me to nerd out on what makes me ✅ and share some gifts I’ve been given.
1) Clearing the decks
This simple 3-step process helps me build, sustain and expand:
Acknowledge the present: we need to understand the full landscape of the past that has led us to this moment. E.g. “I eat low quality foods when my time or mood is low”, “I’m overwhelmed by years’ worth of junk collected in my home”, “I can’t even start to look at my million unread emails”.
Create a clean slate: this step is painstaking but crucial. No pain, no gain as we eliminate the excess. It doesn’t matter what it once cost… It’s now a sunk cost. We can remove the processed food and give away the unworn clothes or redundant items. We can mark the email inbox as read, delete all the junk and start fresh.
Kickstart the new method: now the unnecessary is gone, replenish with the necessary. We can get better food options, clothes we love and items that have purpose. We can set up templated emails and automated rules, block all spam and create specific and colour-coded email folders (g’wonnnnn then m8).
Now when I feel flat or my time is limited, I have healthier snack and meal options. Now with less stuff in the home, things are more spacious, so I feel more spacious. Now that my email system is in place, I save time and reduce future headaches.
“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction”, E. F. Schumacher.
2) Maximising task-focus
As a default, I’m not into multitasking. I prefer to zoom in on one thing at a time and to properly commit with all my attention. Complex work tasks, reading a story or time in nature. I prefer to whole-arse one thing than half-arse two things.
Cleaning dishes though…? Sometimes, I find it oddly satisfying on its own, but sometimes I want to be on auto-pilot. So, if something doesn’t need my full attention (e.g. monotonous work admin or driving on a bland highway), it’s likely I’m soaking a podcast or music into my semi-conscious.
Before I do it, I ask myself “how much focus does this task need?” and “how much do I want to give it?”. Efficient & effective when required, balance & chill when desired.
3) Automated content
Approximately 80-90% of the email content I send clients is pre-created, but always with a touch of personalisation. Very simply, you can create templated emails or automated rules through your email provider. Gmail templates: go settings > advanced > enable templates, then compose a new email you want as the template, click on the ⋮ symbol and go for it. Gmail rules: next to the search mail bar at the top of your page, click on the symbol to show search options, then create away.
AI platforms like ChatGPT and Claude can very easily generate and refine your content, and you can go a layer deeper and pay for a CRM platform like HubSpot too. Spend money to save time. Spend money to make money.
4) Keeping it fresh and avoiding burnout
Having a firm boundary of mid-year + end-of-year breaks enables me to dedicate my full self to everything in my business and life. Otherwise, I’d never stop working on my beloved business. During winter, I commit to travel (ideally overseas to a warmer climate). During summer, I commit to things I’ve put off or haven’t had space for (e.g. house projects, optimising health, creative writing and mapping out the next year).
Unquestionably, the best part of my work is connecting with people in my workshops, hearing their stories and offering my support. It gives me energy, but it can also cook my brain emotionally. My participants keep me on my toes and help me stay fresh, but to ensure I don’t get too sick of my own voice, I always try to change it up and offer something new – shifting the order of play, injecting different stories or posing different concepts to the group.
Take 20% off my Mental Health First Aid online course for yourself when you message me SUBSTACK (offer ends 24-01-25). Learn more about the course here.
5) The night before routine
As a kid, I would always lay out my clothes at night and pack my school bag for the next morning. This was because I couldn’t STAND doing things in the morning. Today, I still want to keep my morning obligations minimal, but I now also like to get ahead of the game.
If quality leftovers are in the fridge, I’ll eat them instead of lesser options. If the protein shake is made, it psychologically commits me to gym even when I don’t want to go. If my bathers and towel are laid out, I’m swimming even in cold, wind and rain.
A ripper hack from my partner is to roll our standing desks up at the end of my day/night. Otherwise, if we get busy or feel lazy, it’s easy to slump into work the next day and forget or neglect to lift that damn desk!
6) Recipe spreadsheet and preparation
Years ago, we kept forgetting recipes, they took ages to find, or we wanted to compare a bunch. We got sick of this, so I created an excel spreadsheet of all our favourite recipes detailed, hyperlinked and categorised. It’s been a game-changer to have and I dig the forever-project of refining it.
We recently tested what it’s like to pre-prepare 3-5 days worth of proteins, legumes and veggies (loosely based on this quality video from Andy Cooks). This allows us to choose how we mix & match throughout the week, ensuring we don’t have the same dish for more than 1-2 meals in a row. We’re the type of food snobs who enjoy cooking almost everyday and trying new dishes every week, so the pre-prep is a solid sometimes-option. Priority: nutritious, delicious and no waste.
My partner’s sister and husband have a great meal-time hack as they DIY meals with their kids (idea I’ll borrow when I’m a baby daddy). Even if you, your kids, partner or housemates don’t like cooking, assembling elements collaboratively gives everyone some agency and involvement.
7) Mindful, beneficial and joyful consumption
Our consumption is guided by a balance of ayurvedic principles, our functional bodybuilding coach, other health professionals and trusted influences. And VERY IMPORTANTLY ensuring our food is still finger-licking good. Noticing why and how I eat what I eat, and when and where I tend to eat it, is helping me observe my tendencies and pick up on my temptations earlier.
What’s in the home is the bulk of what’s going to go in us, so we clear the junk and load up diverse, healthy and high-protein-fun-time options. And it’s possible to do w/o meat if you need. Cottage cheese, Greek Yoghurt and Kefir. Chickpeas, Beans and Quinoa. Tempeh and Seitan. Eggs and Egg Whites. Tuna, Prawns and Fish.
Of course though, girls just wanna have fun, so when I lose the plot and give into the devil on my shoulder, I try to AT LEAST remind myself: if something isn’t good for me, it had better taste damn good to me. Fried dumplings? Meh. Kebab in Greece?
8) Everyday exercise environment
We haven’t committed to a full home gym (yet) due to transient-renters-life, but it is 10000% in our future. In the interim, we have made stretching, movement and mobility a bare minimum of our set-up. We’ve got myofascial release and medicine balls, yoga blocks and mats, an ab roller and foam rollers, skipping ropes and rope flow, bands and gym rings - all small, light, portable and cost-affordable options.
9) Digging two holes with one shovel
My dog hasn’t explicitly told me, but I get the vibe he loves a car ride. Driving to a local spot we’ve never visited helps me know my surroundings more and Vince gets to find new places to pee on other dog’s pee.
Gym = great. Listening to great tunes at gym = better. Gym is the place for me to listen to music that doesn’t really have a place in my life elsewhere. 90% of the time I’m playing crunching techno sets, but 90s hip-hop and 90s rock also feature. For techno, Metodi Hristov and Drunken Kong are my MVP’s and my Soundcloud sets are here.
I don’t want to rely on coffee daily, so I treat getting caffeinated as my pre-reward for gym. Post-reward is my delicious protein shake. Bonus reward if I have time: an ocean swim with mobility movement on the sand or in the water. Double bonus reward if I’m feeling lush: run a bath 90% of the way before the beach, load it up with Epsom salts and then top it up with hot water when back home. Reward for effort is key. And why not unreasonably reward yourself?
10) Being in the moment vs. recording the moment
Some of my biggest bursts of clarity emerge during my journey to the beach, walking on the sand, or in the water. When an idea or a moment of clarity comes through, my programming is to voice note it, and ASAP when back home, to ensure I clean up the wording and document it where it belongs. If it isn’t recorded then, it’s often forgotten. If it isn’t organised soon after, it piles up and becomes a burden. Current effort, future reward.
The balance is I’m phoneless when walking my dog, having a short session at the beach or going for a sunset walk. In these moments, I’m willing to sacrifice a possible idea to be uncontactable and tech-free.
11) Possessions in & out
All purchases have a purpose. If I like it, I don’t get it. If I love it, only then will I consider it. If I get something new, then something old almost always needs to go so I don’t have a surplus of things. The item can get relegated to my car as a spare, otherwise it’s off to a friend or charity. One in, one out maintenance policy.
12) Accessible cues and reminder clues
I want to ensure things are obvious, easy, attractive and satisfying (the four laws of building habits from Atomic Habits). I always have a giant water bottle with me to stay hydrated and we have fresh spring water tanks in our home. I keep books next to where I sleep and I leave them on my pillow each morning. My car boot is treated as my second home – spare clothes, gym and beach stuff, toiletries, shopping bags, etc. – enabling me to be impulsive in the moment.
"You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems", James Clear.
13) AI handy-person-robot
If you aren’t into AI or just don’t get it, I get it… But as Ethan Mollock says “The worst AI you’re going to use in your life is the AI you’re using today”. It impacts us all, it’s inevitable, and so, we may as well get familiar with it.
Generative AI and large language models can be a jack-of-all-trades idea generator, personal assistant and sanity checker all in one... And it's free. If equipment has gone AWOL at gym or an ingredient isn’t in the fridge, it gives us alternatives. If there’s something we want to fix around the house or sort in the garden, it gives us great guidance. And if we have weird-ass questions, it gives us solid answers.
14) The partner travel deficit
From majorly fucking this up with blind selfishness in the past (see my 2021 bed crapping above), I’ve learned to dedicate energy to my partner in the couple of days building up to AND after time away. Walking the dog, cooking meals and errands around the home helps. Sharing quality time together is very important. Asking her what she wants/needs is essential. And the same applies from her to me.
It’s also understood we might return home and need to be cared for ourselves, so it’s a strong commitment we make to each other, but we hold it loosely as needed.
15) Shifting limiting self-stories
There were so many things I did or didn’t do because that was my historical narrative of what I think I’m meant to do or what I’ve always done, but I now question everything. Why shouldn’t I work for myself, live outside of a city or just be okay with wearing a damn singlet? Why did I take hair pills, emotionally eat mountains of sugar or avoid confrontation with people?
I also find it helps to challenge the status quo by asking myself… Where does this thought even come from? What do I believe right now? Is this still a big deal? Does anyone care? Does it even matter if they care? Does this still feel aligned or is there a better option? Practicing this exploration has been very simple, brutally hard and completely revolutionary.
Author Mel Robbins has her notorious 54321 philosophy where you simply countdown from 5 to 1, then take action and get shit done. We’re not here to fuck spiders, we’re here to clear cobwebs.
16) Connecting with self and other
If you know me, you’re probably aware I’m not a lover of unsolicited phone calls (the tech version of someone rocking up to your house unannounced and ringing your doorbell). Catching up feels like a boring concept to me, so I’m not a ‘catch up’ kind of guy. I try to be more of a ‘check-in’ guy. Day to day, I lock in most of my focus on my partner, our dog, work and health, but when life feels spacious, I put in extra time and effort with close family, friends and anyone else who may need it.
A pair of socks legitimately helps me do this. The Man Cave collaborated with Posi Socks and Trent Cotchin to check in with yourself and check in with a mate. EVERY SINGLE TIME I put these socks on, I have done both of those things. Social impact, function and fashun.
17) ‘Round the house
Kitchen/food – L-theanine is proven to help with anxiety, stress and it smooths out any caffeine rush for me. Magnesium effectively recovers my muscles and general body, especially after gym. Love Tea is heaven especially the Calming and Digestive concoctions. Barbell dry meat snacks are no-BS-deliciousness. White vinegar removes leftover stank smells from kitchen containers. And psyllium husk is high-fibre goodness which works a charm for my p💩💩ping pleasure.
Health/medical – on the topic of lavatory activities, a toilet stool keeps the hips above the butt in a squat and is the shit, literally. Magnoplasm draws out glass, splinters, pus or whatever else you need to extract and then you can slap on an Advanced Heal Band-Aids. Black Chicken Oral Swishing Oil removes toxins and bacteria, is good for my teeth/skin and leaves me feeling freshhh.
The rest – a double size beach towel is epic for stretching and mobility, shareable with people and offers extra coverage when wet, cold or the sunset mozzies come out to play. Body Peace Bamboo socks are elite. And a humane spider catcher like this is super effective (and necessary for our subtropical climate).
18) Natural Allergy Treatment (NAT) magic
Excuse the broken record but if you experience ANY allergies, sensitivities or intolerances, NAT’s natural and non-invasive treatment can fix it. I had LIFELONG dust and pollen allergies – if AC was on me at night, my nose would get runny blocked and good luck trying to sleep. Dusty or carpeted homes... Put a fork in me. From this treatment, my issues have now diminished significantly or disappeared altogether.
19) Micro-opportunities for macro-returns
If I can take the stairs instead of an escalator/elevator, I get easy exercise. If I need to pee, I go outside for the fresh air. If I see a swing, I’m jumping on to be a big kid. Small stuff at the time, big impact down the track.
20) Syncing up with the rhythm of nature
When we moved into our Northern Rivers home, I wasn’t too keen on the curtainless window slats above our bed. It’s been a real gift though, because it gets us up earlier, so we go to bed earlier, get more daylight and don’t need to use a morning alarm.
21) Lighting lights me uppp
I know hate is a strong word, but when I say I hate white lights, I mean it. I use LifX smart lighting which has been a godsend as it enables us to customise the brightness, colour and sexy ambience of our home. It’s been such a high-value investment that I’ve had to annoy my family and friends ever since.
I use f.lux on my Mac, dark mode on my phone and I recently bought Blue Light Blocking glasses for when I work or use tech at night. All of this is much less strain on my eyes, I feel calmer and I sleep better.
22) Incidental community connection
We used to live on a 1-way side-street which was way more intimate and familiar than living on a main road. Now, we live in an avenue surrounded by little courts and we have a community book library mailbox right outside our home. This creates organic interactions which helps us really get to know the locals.
23) Old-school purity
So much of our lives are spent on tech, going quick and using new-age practices. I’m no exception, so to lessen this, I don’t listen to Audiobooks or use kindle. I always buy or borrow physical books to read, especially if it’s pre-loved in our book mailbox or from second-hand book sites like World of Books. We also have a record player. It’s the expense that keeps on giving, but we also love the patience it forces as we listen through entire albums.
24) Bookending with books
When I wake up, the clear temptation I experience is to check my phone. What feels way healthier is to read a physical book first and avoid checking my phone until I must. Before I sleep at night, I always read a book to help me wind down. And if the book I’m reading feels too stimulating or intense, I can always have an additional before-bed-book on call.
25) No socials, controlled notifications, communication boundaries
LEVEL 1: years ago, I deleted all social media apps off my phone. Initially, I SWORE I felt phantom rumbles (Byron Bay conspiracy #5602148) as I experienced constantly-checking-for-notification-withdrawals. Once I pushed through the first week or so, it became the norm and I would NEVER go back.
LEVEL 2: I communicated to loved ones to always call or text me for any emergencies or urgent/upcoming plans, otherwise to please message me on WhatsApp because I won’t have notifications on there. Everyone understood, it was a seamless transition then and it has worked amazingly ever since. My presence/flow isn’t disrupted, I eventually see all messages and I always respond when I have time and space.
LEVEL 3: a few weeks ago, I blocked all social media news feeds on my Mac with this Chrome extension and I blocked all social media apps via parental controls on my iPhone settings. What I’ve lost: mindless doom scrolling. What I’ve gained: MORE TIME, LESS COMPARISON, BETTER MOOD. Every now and then I get curious about what someone specific is up to… So I just look them up. It’s been real, it’s been good, it’s been reaaaaaaaal good.
Okay, so I lied at the beginning. Salad isn’t funny and it can’t talk. Shamelessly, I included that image for your attention. Reason: in the past, I’ve shared fairly meh articles, the main image had a photo of me and they got heaps of engagement. More recently: better pieces shared, no photo of me, less engagement.
Now I do understand an image of the writer is humanising and can create a personal connection to readers… And the algorithms may then prioritise posts with faces to drive more engagement… But GODDAMNITTT, the AI images I originally generated were way cooler than me and my greens.
I do enjoy Larry David-esque neuroticism and having a venti-latte, but what I REALLYYYYYY want is you to roll your shoulders back, stick your chest out and not get burned as you walk through your life’s fire.
Let’s play a game of “have you ever…?”. In this version though, I won’t ask you to confess about your sex life, substance use or any other guilt, shame and regret.
Have you ever been curious about what it could feel like to have a calm nervous system as your default? Since I left city-living behind and connected more with nature, I feel more fulfilled, balanced, productive and healthy than EVER before. And I wrote all about it HERE.
Have you ever wanted agency over your work-life balance and/or to do work you’re TRULY passionate about? Read about my long and complex journey to now tick those boxes HERE.
Have you ever AVOIDED things that felt too hard, big, embarrassing or scary? Me too. I shared the biggest obstacles of my life so far, I kickstarted a year’s worth of monthly challenges for 2025 and you can start your own HERE.
“You alone are responsible for what you do, don’t do, or how you respond to what’s done to you”, Darren Hardy
Does anything above feel desirable or spark tension in you? If it seems impossible, how could you get a step closer to making it possible? Which parts can you take, or tweaks you can apply to bring it into reality? What can you start doing TODAY or THIS WEEK? And what have you done in the past that worked for you?
Giving is a privilege, so if you have anything to give, it would be a gift to the collective.
*Please note: if you ever see me post an article with a photo of me as the main image, just know I felt I HAD to do it and a little part of me died when I did.